"For what its worth" by ruthie baker
In this article we’re going to discuss something that many of us suffer in silence with on a day to day basis, knowing our worth and believing that we’re worth it. I have had the pleasure to speak with not only a strong poet, but also a dear friend of mine, Ebone. I’ll let you read the poem for yourself, let it sink into your spirit and lets discuss...
For What It's Worth:
A few questions were asked to Ebone to understand where she was mentally and emotionally in leading her to write this poem and how it allowed her to see that she is deserving of more. I’m more than positive that we can all relate to this dark place one way or another. Whether it be through family, friends, or relational neglect and pain. I would say in our moments of deep despair is when we dance toe to toe with our biggest demons and at that moment of true brokenness, you determine how to deal with it. If you take the easy route and suppress with the variety of “escapist” as Ebone called it, that we have immediate access to. Or you take the bold route, the brave route. The path that leads you to recognition in not only facing yourself in the mirror but what you allow to corrupt and damage you in your daily life. Before this poem you can say the writer was taking the easy way out. Let’s take a look at some of her responses to these questions..
What led you to write this poem?: “I was sitting in my living room. I had been drinking a lot, in fact that night I finished an entire bottle of wine” and while I was scrolling through my phone I was thinking about everything that was going on and was like aww man, something is wrong, something is going on. I was very emotional and I just felt moved for me to write, so I started writing. I just let it flow.
What was your general perspective on the poem?: “ I felt like it was very reflective of myself and where I was in this time of my life. When I wasn’t really facing who I was and I was just trying to numb the pain, trying to find myself in other people, trying to escape my thoughts, and trying to escape how i feel, with alcohol. I just noticed in myself that I have a lot of escapist within myself when I am dealing with a lot of things and so that’s where that poem came from. I was just tired of trying to find myself at the bottom of wine bottles. I’m trying to find myself, I’m trying to use things that will help me deal, but none of that helps it only numbs and more so it hurts. It diverts the responsibility from myself on to other things that truly can’t fulfill me. It was generally like what are you doing? In reality I was just trying to escape reality.
What actions were taken after writing this poem?: “Ummmm, I cried, because it was like lethargic, it was very therapeutic, so in that process of release I was able to take myself a bit more serious. Even though in that my moment I didn’t begin to make the changes I needed to make. It was my first step to facing my issues. Realizing that I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror and that I didn’t like what I saw, along with what I was allowing into my life. By trying to escape these things it only made my life worse.”
Did it help you heal?: “yes , it did help me heal. At that time I wasn’t fully healed ,like I am getting there because now I am in counseling. But, it did help me cope. I really don’t write poems unless I am really moved to or if I have something to say. Poems is me writing a letter to myself about whatever the topic may be. My poems always have a story, or a person, or a feeling behind them. This poem, it was a way to cope and heal myself and forgive myself for allowing the things that I may have allowed and just telling myself that I am worth everything, that I am worth something, I am worth something, I am worth looking at myself in the mirror and changing, I am worth not trying to spread my pieces out to everybody.”
This poem is one of raw and free emotions. In fact, as I was reading it. I realized for myself that recognition is key when going to that dark place of sadness, pain, uncertainty. We all have an outlet of some sort, channeling our energy to that can help us in assisting what’s going on internally. During our time of sorrow we often suppress whats really taking place. Whether it be sex, drugs, shopping, etc… instead of freeing ourselves from the very thing that keeps us bound to the chains that life latches on to us. Oblivion has its way of comfortability, a way of tricking us to think that we’re ok when really we aren’t. We call it “letting loose and having fun.” At times it's a little too much fun, consuming fun. Let’s be honest, we’re just scared to face the issue. The thought of facing the reality of our situation is almost heartbreaking. Well, that's because it is. We have a defense mechanism with things that make us feel good, i.e. “the wine bottle,” to forget what's really going on and as soon as we come to finality that it’s time to deal with the problem, its this instant feeling of breaking and release above what we think we are able to handle. Truth is, it’s the only thing that will help us truly move on from what people may have put us through and what we have allowed people and life to put us through. The question is, do you know what you’re worth? Do you realize how powerful you really are? The gifts that you entail? The moment you realize that you will no longer settle for less for what you would give to yourself.
For what it’s worth you deserve more than what people give to you, but what do you give to yourself? For what it’s worth, its ok to be selfish and not spread yourself thin to everyone and give to the point of no return. For what it’s worth, you are light with the opportunity to shine so bright and make a difference instead of hiding in bondage. For what it's worth someone needs your story, will you be strong enough to give it to them? For what it's worth you aren’t alone. For what it’s worth, asking for help doesn't make you weak. For what it’s worth, someone still prays for you day and night. For what it's worth, Jesus is right in the midst of your storm, waiting for you to come to the end of yourself. For what it’s worth, he still saves even when you aren’t completely there. For what it's worth, your efforts and sacrifices will pay off one day. For what it’s worth, you’re worth it.