Time to check-in.
We all talk about wanting the truth, but honestly, do we really want the truth. Of course, we say it but then it seems like once we get it. We all of a sudden become naïve to what it is and question who it is because of our own unwillingness to be able to accept it for what it is. We discriminate against the truth like a mad man then end up looking like the bad man when it’s publicly recognized when in turn, we could have accepted and shifted to create a space of it in our lives. But truth cannot be understood without the vulnerability of self being present and hungry for it.
To understand truth, you must be willing to first accept its validity. Truth is the inevitable that has taken place already. Truth is what is and shall always be. Truth is what we run from because we fear what it holds will hurt or force change on us when we least want it to, so we abandon it and “search” for another truth. We search long and hard to not accept these terms of current happenings and in turn ultimately still come up more disappointed by the fact we’ve only lied to ourselves that there is something that wasn’t supposed to be or that there isn’t something that’s been staring at us the whole time.
With truth comes change. They go hand in hand when required. So, change in its own is an uncomfortable truth and is unlikely to happen for one who hasn’t understood and accepted its terms and conditions. In order to change, you must accept the things you can’t, and give it to God. In order to change, you must get over your own idea of what you thought was supposed to be and flow with what is. In order to grow, you must first get rid of the old way of doing things. In order to grow, you must experience uncomfortable.
What undeniable truths have you tried to force into the “lie” category? What level of comfortably have you reached in the areas of your life that require your uncomfortable decisions to manifest truth, blessings and new wisdom? Are you finally willing to walk through the fire without the fear of the burn or has the lack of flexibility you’ve made in your life hindered you from your own defrost?
It’s time to check-out now. The hotel was only for a weekend.
*Inserts typewriter noise* What are about to read is accumulation of multiple conversations either based in inquisitiveness, personal reference or perspective. It is some out of my own personal growth and areas of vulnerability.
The current societal state that world “functions” in very dichotomous in nature. From political views, race, to even views on relationships. It has taught us to have a very polarized nature of thinking and most people’s stream of consciousness tend to lie on one end of an extreme. Rarely do we like to acknowledge that there that we have view from both sides and that there are healthy mediums, that outside of things being black and white that sometimes grey exists as well. And to go a step further we don’t focus enough on the consistent effort it requires to maintain the balance of a healthy medium which brings us to talking point: Healthy Boundaries!
Polarized thinking creates by societal norms have taught us to either A: Give everything you have, or B: Self comes first. I find this to be an area of vulnerability for people (myself included) because if you give; you are always giving (which yields great reward)… and giving and after a while you find that you are exhausted (physically, mentally, spiritually) ,but if you are on the other end of the spectrum, me always comes first no matter what the situation. The question then becomes, how do I balance being able to give while still keeping myself a priority. The healthy medium.
In my discussions about healthy boundaries, there was one common denominator in each conversation. There needed to be a clear definition or identifying point of a healthy personal boundaries and an emotional wall. So, of course me being me, I had to look up the definition to have a starting point.
Boundary- Something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent
Wall- Something that acts as a barrier or defense
I realized from this that people use these terms interchangeably in their lives and don’t realize the significant difference between the two.
I found that when discussing emotional wall everyone discussed that emotional walls keep people out, but they also keep you in. It was also discussed that fears, trauma, hurt, heartbreak, and insecurities from either the past or present are the brick and mortar to our walls. An emotional wall is a misguided boundary rooted in fear. Usually anyone who referenced a wall talked about self protection from the things previously listed, and that usually fear of those things are what usually keep the person behind the wall and that as a result the person becomes so intertwined from spending time behind the wall with their fears, trauma, hurt, heartbreak and insecurities that it becomes a reality to the person.
When talking about healthy boundaries, I found that most people talked about self-awareness and make self-care a priority. Self-care and selfishness are not the same! I repeat self-care and selfishness are NOT the same thing. Healthy boundaries allow for you to keep the bad out and the good in. It’s about keeping yourself intact by not allowing others or life circumstances to jeopardize who you are as a person. Healthy boundaries means being in tune with yourself and your emotions and giving yourself permission to communicate consistently what you will and will not accept in order to maintain your being and peace. It requires you to be direct and consistently maintain your boundaries which requires constant effort. Healthy boundaries are a consistent practice of self-awareness in order to maintain self-respect.
I believe a lot of people have built walls and called them boundaries either out of a lack understanding unwillingness to find the source of root issues or being too comfortable and best friends to our fears and insecurities that they have become an everyday reality. Boundaries are a way to honor the person that you are. An emotional wall hides behind the hurts of the past. Healthy boundaries show growth and maturity and willingness to deal and move on from the past while emotional walls lives in constant fear of becoming separated from the person they hold prisoner. My hope is that we move from having emotional walls to health boundaries with the understanding that tearing down emotional walls is a process and maintaining healthy boundaries is continual conscious effort.
Over the course of the year, I have seen a many social media posts and heard much talk of change taking place in everyones lives. I’ve seen people who have lost loved ones, I’ve seen people who have been hurt, I’ve seen people who have been affected by mental health, and those who have expressed a feeling of, “What am I here for?” I’ve also seen people find new love, find new jobs, stop old habits, find new friends, encourage themselves to do better, and even encourage others. I’ve see the country do great thing, and battle on the basis of what should or shouldn’t be allowed. This year has been an eye opener to show a bigger lesson.
As the leaves fall in the autumn, as the birds chirp away in the spring filled air, as the waves crash on the sizzling hot sand, and as the stars hold their positions in the windy winter air, so does life continue to move without permission, giving everyone a little piece of its existence. Everything has a place, a time, and a season, and we are not exempt from said understanding. As life goes on, we never stop running the race. We never stop moving or pushing or excelling. We always learn something new and see somethings in a different. We grasp a certain perspective in the beginning of our lives and have a duty to ourselves to understand that perspective in it’s unwavering truth to self and it’s understanding of incorrect assumptions that lead to divisions.
Based of the teachings of life for 2019, I pose this rhetoric for all to contemplate, understand, and explore in their own lives: What changes has this year brought to you, to equip you for your next beginning? What teachings has life brought that need more time for mastery? What areas of life have you held yourself back from by blatantly choosing to accept the terms of uncomfortable circumstances? Lastly, will this finally be the year you decide to cooperate and flow in all the greatness you have been destined for?
These questions I present are not of condemnation or shame, but only of love, respect for the pure heart, and intentions of being an influence of consistency in change as a regular part of life. 2020 will not be the year of the stagnant mule. Raise up and claim what you felt you could never be, greatness.