I was having a conversation with one of my friends whose name I will change to maintain confidentiality. For the sake of the blog we will call her Jessica. I was currently working on writing this piece when Jessica texted me. I decided to facetime her so that I can see her lovely face (and partially out of my own convenience of not wanting to text back). So, Jessica and I were having a conversation over facetime and I asked her what I should write about. She said I should write about emotions because we give too much credit to our emotions when in fact all they are one of the ways that process our thoughts. I then posed the question of whether feelings and emotions are the same thing. According to the A-Z guide of feelings and emotions; Emotions are event driven whereas as feeling are learned behaviors are in hibernation until triggered by an external event. So, then we decided to make some real-life application to these definitions. We came to the conclusion that feelings are the expression of emotions. And that we often allow ourselves to be at the mercy of our emotions and feelings. It takes cognitive effort in order to have emotions but if we aren’t careful (*Alexa play Be Careful by Cardi B) we will allow thought process to start in our emotions rather than our minds.
Our emotions should be subjected to our thoughts and not the other way around. Being in control of your emotions comes with responsibility and can be dangerous when not used properly (raps* This, is, serious, We could make you delirious. You should have a healthy fear of us, 'cause too much of us is dangerous) Side note: If you don’t know this song please do yourself a favor and school yourself. So speaking of emotions and feelings I am currently have no idea what to and I literally can not figure how to end this article.(more like unwarranted writer’s block) So let’s say this either I’ve said a lot in a very short amount of words or there will potentially be a part two. To be continued possibly…. Jessica here are your creds! Thanks for talking to me as I wrote this article.
GOALS or IDOLS
Goals (inserts typewriter noise), as defined by dictionary.com, is the object of a person's ambition or effort; an aim or desired result. Everyone’s goals differ depending on who you are and what stage you are at in life currently. In society today we often refer to many types of goals such as hair goals (whether you’re 1A or 4C I’m here for all types of hair), relationships goals (usually you hear Beyonce and Jay-Z as a top pick but I’m going to throw in Chrissy Teigen and John Legend because their one of my personal favorites), money goals (whether you want to be as rich as Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates or just to have a savings account, and life goals (Retired at 40, married with kids and the house)
We look to these things and people because we deem it or them as worthy of respect and regard it as impressive aka admiration. Once this admiration or love towards a person or thing it becomes excessive we often idolize people or things without even realizing it. We fixate on other people’s successes and “perceived” (I put that in quotes purposely because social media has a great way of making momentary events people's everyday lives.) lifestyles and make them our goals rather than studying the process of how they got to certain points of success and applying it to our personal lives. In order to be successful in any process you have to apply the principle to your current situation. We all come from different backgrounds, teaching and environments. Picture this for a moment, we are all cookies that have the potential to taste great once all of the ingredients are added and we bake in the oven. No one cookie (person) is the same but all of the same ingredients (principles, life lessons, keys to success) are needed to make a great cookie. Based on your background, previous experiences, etc. some of us have a little bit more flour than others or even less chocolate chips than others. So taking one ingredient (principle) and adding it to the cookie (person) without evaluating and applying it to what the cookie already has can be a set up for failure and a bad tasting cookie (but back to the main point because now i want some chocolate chip cookies).
Admiring people and wanting to reach the same level as success as a person is not a bad thing and having great examples in front of you to encourage you to pursue your goals and dreams is a great thing. But to idolize a person or concept can become a false notion or fallacy. (Peep the SAT vocabulary here. Please look this word up in your spare time if you don’t know the definition) Some people think that success is overnight, which it can be, but any real overnight success would tell you that overnight successes are rarely overnight. They’ve been working hard in the shadows for a while and are just receiving the recognition. One of the downfalls of people trying to skip the process to success (Side note: success is whatever success means to you. It looks different for everyone) is that impatience causes us to arrive places premature (and immaturely ) as well as unprepared because we skipped the process and the lessons that come along with it (such as discipline, patience and perseverance) that allows us to maintain success once achieving it.
So all of this to say the process of success is more important than the end goal of success and that we often create idols of people who have reached certain levels of success and call it “goals” rather than learning the process and applying it to our everyday life. So next time your eating chocolate cookies and you taste a cookie that probably was missing a little something or just quite didn’t meet your expectations think of this post.
In this article we’re going to discuss something that many of us suffer in silence with on a day to day basis, knowing our worth and believing that we’re worth it. I have had the pleasure to speak with not only a strong poet, but also a dear friend of mine, Ebone. I’ll let you read the poem for yourself, let it sink into your spirit and lets discuss...
For What It's Worth:
A few questions were asked to Ebone to understand where she was mentally and emotionally in leading her to write this poem and how it allowed her to see that she is deserving of more. I’m more than positive that we can all relate to this dark place one way or another. Whether it be through family, friends, or relational neglect and pain. I would say in our moments of deep despair is when we dance toe to toe with our biggest demons and at that moment of true brokenness, you determine how to deal with it. If you take the easy route and suppress with the variety of “escapist” as Ebone called it, that we have immediate access to. Or you take the bold route, the brave route. The path that leads you to recognition in not only facing yourself in the mirror but what you allow to corrupt and damage you in your daily life. Before this poem you can say the writer was taking the easy way out. Let’s take a look at some of her responses to these questions..
What led you to write this poem?: “I was sitting in my living room. I had been drinking a lot, in fact that night I finished an entire bottle of wine” and while I was scrolling through my phone I was thinking about everything that was going on and was like aww man, something is wrong, something is going on. I was very emotional and I just felt moved for me to write, so I started writing. I just let it flow.
What was your general perspective on the poem?: “ I felt like it was very reflective of myself and where I was in this time of my life. When I wasn’t really facing who I was and I was just trying to numb the pain, trying to find myself in other people, trying to escape my thoughts, and trying to escape how i feel, with alcohol. I just noticed in myself that I have a lot of escapist within myself when I am dealing with a lot of things and so that’s where that poem came from. I was just tired of trying to find myself at the bottom of wine bottles. I’m trying to find myself, I’m trying to use things that will help me deal, but none of that helps it only numbs and more so it hurts. It diverts the responsibility from myself on to other things that truly can’t fulfill me. It was generally like what are you doing? In reality I was just trying to escape reality.
What actions were taken after writing this poem?: “Ummmm, I cried, because it was like lethargic, it was very therapeutic, so in that process of release I was able to take myself a bit more serious. Even though in that my moment I didn’t begin to make the changes I needed to make. It was my first step to facing my issues. Realizing that I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror and that I didn’t like what I saw, along with what I was allowing into my life. By trying to escape these things it only made my life worse.”
Did it help you heal?: “yes , it did help me heal. At that time I wasn’t fully healed ,like I am getting there because now I am in counseling. But, it did help me cope. I really don’t write poems unless I am really moved to or if I have something to say. Poems is me writing a letter to myself about whatever the topic may be. My poems always have a story, or a person, or a feeling behind them. This poem, it was a way to cope and heal myself and forgive myself for allowing the things that I may have allowed and just telling myself that I am worth everything, that I am worth something, I am worth something, I am worth looking at myself in the mirror and changing, I am worth not trying to spread my pieces out to everybody.”
This poem is one of raw and free emotions. In fact, as I was reading it. I realized for myself that recognition is key when going to that dark place of sadness, pain, uncertainty. We all have an outlet of some sort, channeling our energy to that can help us in assisting what’s going on internally. During our time of sorrow we often suppress whats really taking place. Whether it be sex, drugs, shopping, etc… instead of freeing ourselves from the very thing that keeps us bound to the chains that life latches on to us. Oblivion has its way of comfortability, a way of tricking us to think that we’re ok when really we aren’t. We call it “letting loose and having fun.” At times it's a little too much fun, consuming fun. Let’s be honest, we’re just scared to face the issue. The thought of facing the reality of our situation is almost heartbreaking. Well, that's because it is. We have a defense mechanism with things that make us feel good, i.e. “the wine bottle,” to forget what's really going on and as soon as we come to finality that it’s time to deal with the problem, its this instant feeling of breaking and release above what we think we are able to handle. Truth is, it’s the only thing that will help us truly move on from what people may have put us through and what we have allowed people and life to put us through. The question is, do you know what you’re worth? Do you realize how powerful you really are? The gifts that you entail? The moment you realize that you will no longer settle for less for what you would give to yourself.
For what it’s worth you deserve more than what people give to you, but what do you give to yourself? For what it’s worth, its ok to be selfish and not spread yourself thin to everyone and give to the point of no return. For what it’s worth, you are light with the opportunity to shine so bright and make a difference instead of hiding in bondage. For what it's worth someone needs your story, will you be strong enough to give it to them? For what it's worth you aren’t alone. For what it’s worth, asking for help doesn't make you weak. For what it’s worth, someone still prays for you day and night. For what it's worth, Jesus is right in the midst of your storm, waiting for you to come to the end of yourself. For what it’s worth, he still saves even when you aren’t completely there. For what it's worth, your efforts and sacrifices will pay off one day. For what it’s worth, you’re worth it.